Self confidence ? Nope.

I've been thinking about this post for months now. I just don't know how to start it. But I'm finally writing it. And posting it.

I'm not confortable in my own skin.

There. I said it.

I was never slim or skinny. I have always had curves. I probably will have curves for the rest of my life. I know you're supposed to love your body and stuff, but I don't. I hate my body.

I always have.

I just can't seem to get over the fact that this is me, and I should accept it. I just don't like how I look. Sometimes I'll stare at myself in the mirror and think "well, I could look worse" but about 99% of the time, I hate what I see. I'm sure I'm not the only one. And I know I should be more confident. But when I'm walking down the street and someone's walking behind me, the only thing I'll be thinking about will be “Are they looking at me ? They're probably thinking I look horrible.” I mentioned once or twice that when I shop for clothes, I go for black most of the time. And I guess that's because I don't want people to notice me. I would love to dress as boldly as Laurie Keller from Cougar Town, but people will probably stare at me and I can't handle that. I don’t want to draw attention.

But why are looks so important ? I don't want to be model thin. I just want to work on my confidence. But when I see a magazine calling Jennifer Lawrence 'voluptuous' and actually says how tall she is and how much she weighs, I just can't help but think “I wish I were her kind of voluptuous ! What are they talking about ?!” Would they write like that when talking about a man ? Jennifer Lawrence looks fine, and perfectly normal ! Why is her figure so important ? Magazines are always putting pictures of celebrities looking to thin, with captions like “Is she anorexic ? She should eat a burger once in a while” and the week after the same celebrity will be seen with an unflattering top and they go straight to pregnancy rumours. No wonder we're all stressed out about our looks.

Walking into a clothes shop (like Zara or H&M) I always feel uncomfortable. The saleswomen are stick-thin, looking at you, until you leave the shop. I noticed that in H&M, if you're looking for a size L top, you'd better open your eyes and be ready to look to the very back of the rack. They'll have dozens of XS, S or M tops, but they'll have two L and don't even think about looking for an XL, even if the website says they're available.

Why is having boobs, hips and a butt so bad ? A friend once told me “I wish I had bigger boobs, like you” Yeah, but they come with everything else. And then you'll have another friend say they want to go on a diet or something cause her thighs are too big. And you'll be thinking about smacking them across the face, wanting to shout at them “have you seen mine ?!” but you won't. Cause that would be bad. And you don't want to draw attention to yourself.

Welcome to my world.

But back to what this post was about in the first place.

I guess I could have put “work on my confidence” in my resolutions post, because I definitely need to do that. I'll stop reading stupid articles calling people fat when they're not. I'll try to worry less about what people think and care about how I feel more. Yep. Good luck with that.

But I can't be the only one like that, right ?

New Year ? New Me !

Ok. New year's resolutions. Are people still making these? No ? That's ok.

So, as I was watching this (strangely ?) inspiring video, I decided I should make a list of things I need to work on. It's not exactly going to be life-changing, I know that, but I'm a procrastinator (as you might have noticed... I mean, I planned on writing this post two weeks ago) so this is going to be something I will look back on in December and see if I accomplished anything. Well, here goes :

- Add more color to my wardrobe : this might be a weird resolution, but it's actually a 'big' thing for me. See, when I'm shopping, I almost always go for black. If I can choose between a colorful or black jumper, I'll automatically pick black. My sister and my mom always call me out on this, but... I don't know, black feels more comfortable I guess. Unfortunately, I do need some color. So, right now, two colorful tops are on their way to me, and next time I go shopping, I'll try not to go for black.

 - Stop worrying about what other people think : so what if that piece of hair isn't straight, and that mosquito bite on my cheek shows through the concealer ? It's not something people will remember until they die. So I should probably stop caring so much.

- Stop procrastinating: okay, I will probably never stop procrastinating, I just need to 'cut back'. What I mean is, when I feel like doing something, I should do it right away, otherwise I forget about it and then when I remember, I don't have time for it. Which brings me to the next point.

- Write more : I used to write everyday, but for the last 2/3 years I think if I added up everything I wrote, it'd only be 10 pages long. Not good. I love writing, the thing is I like to be alone to write, and with a 5 year old brother who likes asking me things every two minutes, well... Writing isn't as easy as it used to be. So I need to try harder, even if I have to use my iPod's notepad (like I'm doing right now) and then copy/paste on Word.

- Find out what I want to do with my life: yep, that's a big one. The thing is, I'm gonna be 21 in April and I still have no idea what to do with my life. I hate college. I hated high school but got through it, but honestly, I feel like I don't belong in college. Which is a pain because I kinda need a diploma, right ? Ugh.

I think that's it. It's a good start, right ? Now I just need to work on everything. That's gonna be the hardest part, ha !

Oh, Glee

I’ve been saying that a lot while watching the show. Season 4 started last week, but I wasn’t really excited. Glee hasn’t been what it used to be ever since season 2 (and honestly, maybe even the second half of the first season). And obviously, there are a few things that needed to be said.

- The majority of the “original” cast graduated last season finale, and even though we kind of know what they’d do, it would still be nice to have news. Where are Finn, Puck, Santana and everyone else ? Is it because of the new characters being introduced ? Nobody knows.

- Speaking of the new characters : running out of ideas much ? Marley’s basically a new ‘Rachel’ : not popular, but she can sing, and she’s gonna fall for Jake, Puck’s half-brother, who’s basically the same. He’s not doing well in school, he’d rather date every girl that walks by him, but he’s gonna join Glee Club and he’ll be a better guy. Then there’s Wade/Unique, a mash-up of Kurt and Mercedes, and just plain annoying. Oh and I almost forgot about that new cheerleader, who could be Quinn Fabray’s 30 year old sister.

- Rachel’s at NYADA, a school that apparently only has dance classes. Her teacher could have had everything but she went nuts, okay. Then there’s Brody, who’s probably going to make Rachel doubt about her feelings for Finn.

- Kurt walks the halls of McKinley High like a ghost. He nailed his NYADA audition and didn’t get in, but Rachel, who choked and basically stalked Whoopi Goldberg’s character did, and it’s something that annoyed me last year.

- Also, everyone fighting to be the ‘new Rachel’ ? Really ? And making fun of Marley’s mom when Glee Club is all about being different ? Wow. I think the writers don’t know what show they’re writing for.

So, I think that’s it for the premiere. Now onto 4.02.

- The fact that Britanny is getting more stupid every season is really annoying. She can’t be that dumb. Sure, people will laugh, but honestly for me, it was nervous laughter. I kept wondering when the embarrassment would end, because it was just plain awkward.

- Was the episode supposed to mock Britney Spears or make her look like a hero ? I went with the mocking thing. Again, embarrassing to watch.

- Kurt and Rachel can afford to pay a 1800$ rent ? Wow. Do they grow money trees in New York ?

- Still no original character, except Santana. And we don’t learn a lot, except from the fact she’s really busy.

It’s clear that I don’t watch Glee for its continuity or writing that just keeps repeating. I’ll keep watching for the cast. Okay, I’ll be honest : I’ll keep watching for Darren Criss. But that’s it. The new characters are just pale copies of the old ones (just like that swimming coach last year was a more annoying Sue Sylvester). If you put the storylines that come from nowhere aside for 40 minutes, you can have a good time with Glee. But that’s it.

Oh, Glee.

7 Things Monday #2

1). Almost forgot to write this post. Oops.

2). Started season 2 of Smallville, and I don’t remember seeing the episodes. Which is weird because I watched the show when I was younger… But I think it was summer so maybe I was on holiday and couldn’t watch them ? I dunno. All I know is I don’t ship Chloe/Clark. And Chloe is kinda annoying.

3). My mom wants to do a playroom is the attic for my little brother. His toys are scattered everywhere around the house (kitchen, living room, his bedroom, MY bedroom…) and we’re lucky to have 3 rooms in the attic, with doors that close and everything. Unfortunately, the attic is the place where things we don’t want around the house end up. We put my sister and I’s old toys, our old school stuff, furniture we don’t use, and one of the room is my dad’s ‘office’… So we need to clear everything out first, which isn’t gonna be easy. Needless to say I’ve been pinning like crazy for playroom ideas lately…

4). Number 3 is very long. If we actually go ahead with the playroom project, maybe I’ll make a few post about what we do.

5). I’ve been having very weird dreams lately. You know when you wake up and you’re like “WTF ? Where did that come from ?”… Yep. Those dreams.

6). I’m catching up on Smallville, and re-watching Friends at the same time. God I love this show.

7). I can’t think of anything else to say… I still don’t know what I’m gonna do in college in September. I’m screwed. Ugh.

Youtube is taking over my life.

Up until about two months ago, I thought Youtube was the place to go if you wanted to see music videos (or cat videos though I never watched one), and that was it. It turns out there are some people on Youtube that are funny and inspiring and talented. Just take Team Starkid. Every musical they release is laugh-out-loud-get-weird-looks-from-the-people-around-you funny. They act, sing, dance. Short story : they’re awesome.

But liking Team Starkid got me to think about all the stuff I like/watch/listen to. If I didn’t watch Glee, I wouldn’t have ‘known’ Darren Criss and it would probably have taken me longer to watch A Very Potter Musical. I’d heard about it, and I was planning on watching it, but because Darren was great on Glee, I decided to watch AVPM. And I don’t regret it at all.

Then, Carrie Fletcher started making videos on Youtube too. I’ll be honest : I probably wouldn’t know her if I didn’t listen to McFly (her brother’s band). BUT Carrie is talented and she makes me laugh. Because she was in Alex Day’s video for Lady Godiva, I watched it, and then subscribed to Alex’s channel. So, thanks to Carrie, Alex, Charlie, the Vlogbrothers, and way too many other people are a part of my life now. They’re all amazing people you want to be friends with and I wish I could go to Vidcon or Summer In The City – unfortunately, I’m French. And broke. So not happening.

Anyway. This proves that you discover new things through people/stuff you’ve known for a long time.

This post was brought to you by : I’m bored and I wanted to write something so I thought I’d write this and maybe you’ll check some of their videos and it’ll make your day better. That’s how it works for me.

7 Things Monday #1

1). I realized I needed to write more for my blog, and came up with this idea of a « seven things » post. Why seven you ask ? I have no idea.

2). I started watching Smallville again, from the beginning. I stopped after the fifth or sixth season, I think ? because the channel broadcasting it in France did an awful job and basically, Smallville never aired again after season 5 or 6, so… yeah. And since I have this habit of catching up on shows in the Summer, I thought I’d do Smallville this year. Let’s hope I can get through ten seasons before September (I don’t think it’s gonna happen.)

3). I need to sort out everything in my room, clear out some space, throw out or sell some things, because it’s just not working. I have a lot of things I never use hidden in my desk drawers and so much eye clutter it hurts. Pinterest and this blog are currently inspiring me to get organized. I need a trip to Ikea asap.

4). Yesterday, my sister, my brother and I visited my grandparents’ house with my mom, like every Sunday, and my grandpa gave us some peas he stole from a field at 8am. So we shelled some peas and I took pictures of them. Yup. I might post them, I don’t know.

5). It’s getting a bit difficult to find things to talk about.

6). I’m thinking of writing a post on Youtubers I watch and how I got to watching them/subscribing to their channel.

7). I’m also thinking of finally starting that novel I’ve been wanting to write for ages. But I’m never alone in this house and I prefer to write in silence, when no one can hear me type on my SO NOISY keyboard.

Simple Dresses.

I don’t wear dresses that often. I hate showing my legs. But every time I go to look at clothes from Dorothy Perkins, I just want to buy everything, no matter how short it is. Unfortunately, I don’t have that much money (also, if I buy in another currency, my bank takes me more money. I love that.), and so I look at pretty clothes and wish you could just download clothes off of the Internet and print them and be able to wear them.

Today I went on the Dorothy Perkins website, said “aww” a lot, and copied/pasted a lot of pictures from the website. I found a lot of pretty, simple dresses – that could be worn for any occasion, given that you wear them with the right accessories – and I just thought I’d share.

Black fit and flare dress, £16 [x]

Simple style, it’s a black dress, and it’s not that expensive. With a colourful belt/purse or shoes, or pretty much anything, it’s very versatile, so it suits every occasion. I guess you could also wear it with tights in the Winter, bare legs in the Summer. I like clothes that you can wear all year long, no matter the weather.

Coral strappy midi dress, £19.50 [x]

That dress can follow you to the beach, or in the evening with a cardigan or a sweater/jumper, after the beach. If I could, I’d buy it right now. I love the colour, it’s not a short dress, and again, with the right accessories, you could probably wear to a wedding.

Black jersey shirt dress, £18 [x]

I currently want a shirt dress, I have no idea why. I saw a pretty one the other day, and I have been wanting one ever since. I love the retro feel. The one I saw actually had short sleeves, this one is sleeveless, but I still love it. It’s available in two other colours (teal and grey), but I chose black, because when buying for clothes I automatically go for black (which makes my mom and my sister sigh, and then they annoy me, saying I should chose colour over black EVERY TIME). But I have a reason for that : black goes with practically everything. 

So, here you go. A small DP selection of simple, pretty, versatile dresses. I have saved a few more images, for printed dresses, and I might make another post for them.

By the way, Dorothy Perkins didn’t sponsor me to write this post (I wish). I love their clothes, I have ordered from them a few times, and I have never been disappointed. Compared to other stores, it might be a bit pricey sometimes, but it always fits ; there are some pieces in my closet that I’ve had for 3 years now, and they’re still in good shape.
(Photos are from the website)